ic inbox ( ryslig )

[gitanes]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, ZHAR-PTITSA. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 66.234.111.217 *** ZHAR-PTITSA has joined 66.234.111.217 <ZHAR-PTITSA> Well? <ZHAR-PTITSA> Hurry up.

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[luckless]

[She trusts him, and he trusts her too—completely, and not in the self-sacrificing way where he has no concern for his well being. But trusts in that she would only ever bring him happiness, comfort, and love.

It's still jarring, because he shouldn't have his Ultimate Luck... he shouldn't, but damn does he feel so lucky to have her.]

That's where you're wrong, because even our sex will be weepy and emotional.

[Okay, he's trying to make a joke to ignore the way his stomach flip-flops. Maybe if he says more words then things will get better (lie).]

When do you want to do that by the way?

[...]

So I can prepare myself... mentally.

[gitanes]

[The joke is that his joke is not that funny, but the serious thing is what Lila reads as a joke.]

[At first. She's known Komaeda a while now, and she's pretty good at decoding Komaeda-isms. This one is. Sure something. And almost definitely meant in earnest.]

< zhar-ptitsa > is typing . . .

how long do you need to prepare yourself mentally

[luckless]

[Of course she asks, of course she does; because if you give Lila and inch, she takes a mile. He's used to it, or at least he likes to think he is, but she's put him on the spot and the responsibility of having to decide a time to lose his virginity is suddenly a Lot.

It's not even that he's overly attached to it, he just never expected to ever, well... be in this position.

So he panics. Komaeda's fingers hesitate on the keyboard, typing out responses that are over-thought to the point that when he reads them, they don't make sense. Or they're too short, too concise, too sudden. To the rhythm of his own thundering heartbeat, he keeps smashing the backspace key.

Minutes pass by until, finally, he takes a breath and manages to type something that makes sense out.]

Next month, let's go on a date. I think that will be enough time.

[gitanes]

[Uh.]

[Hm.]

[Glowing eyes squint at the message, shining near-blinding light on the screen. She considers.]

i can feel you panicking from here.

[luckless]

[...

...

...]

I'm always panicking, Lila.

[gitanes]

god. i KNOW but

panicking about sex sounds shitty. are you sure picking a day is a good idea?

[luckless]

What if we did it like Russian Roulette? We can go on a lot of dates, and on one of them, we'll have sex when the mood is right.

That way, I won't know until we're there.

[gitanes]

ko, i think that's just regular dating.

[luckless]

We already went over this... you're the first person I've ever dated. I don't know what regular dating is like.

[gitanes]

i mean, i haven't done normal dating either, i've done creep dating. i just mean it's not russian roulette, exactly, what you're describing.

it's a good idea though. and we can call it russian roulette if you want.

[luckless]

[It's probably not the time to mention the fact that he's been called a creep on more than one occasion, so Lila is still creep-dating.

Fortunately, he's distracted by something much more important.]

Russian Roulette is cool but dangerous. I'm fine with regular dating.

Where do you want to go on our regular date?

[gitanes]

take me to amusement mile and win me a huge stupid novelty stuffed animal

[That response sure came fast.]

i'll possess it and walk around and freak people out. then we can have shit amusement park food and slushees.

[luckless]

If that's what will make you happy, I'd love to go to the amusement park!

Do you like fast rides, Lila?

[gitanes]

[This is one of those stupid things that shouldn't get to her and does. If that's what will make you happy. If it was anybody else — but it's Komaeda, so she knows he means it, and it makes her feel tongue-tied and awkward, but it's good. It's in a good way.]

cool

i don't know. probably, but i've never been on one. you?

[luckless]

I mean, every moment of my life is terrifying...

Before, I would never ride things like roller coasters, because they had the highest accident rates. It would surely be a death sentence for an unlucky guy like me. The carousel had been my favorite ride since I was a kid. The way it goes up and down as it spins is so slow and relaxing. I never feel like I'm in danger at all...

But, the reality is that I no longer have my Ultimate Luck... so maybe I can finally try thrilling rides without fearing my inevitable and painful death!

[gitanes]

[God. She loves him. Disgusting. This is so stupid, and she loves him for it.]

what if we try one, and if you hate it we can go on the carousel? you just have to swear in blood you won't tell anyone you saw me on the carousel.

[luckless]

I won't tell anyone about your soft side, Lila.

[He's smiling—all big, and comfortable, and full of love. She always knows exactly what to say, never invalidating his fears, no matter how silly they sound.]

I mean, I should say that I have been on a roller coaster, but only once. In the simulation. Nothing bad happened on the ride itself but... I still avoided the roller coaster afterwards.

[But this amusement park must be pretty new, huh...]

When did Amusement Mile appear?

[gitanes]

i don't have a soft side, liar.

[she lies]

jeez, i'm not sure. i haven't gone yet honestly. early fall i think, like right after you disappeared. i . . . didn't really do much around then in general, so i don't remember.

but it doesn't matter. it's not actually open until i get there, and by extension, when you get there. so you'll be at the grand opening.

[luckless]

[It's funny, how easily Lila can cheer him up, even when he doesn't realize his mood has turned. Reminiscing on his own departure is enough to send him into a spiraling descent, but to think about how it must've affected Lila?

He's happy that she's the one that smooths it over, so he doesn't have to.]

Should I dress nice, then? For our date at the grand opening, that is. I could even bring you flowers. What kind do you like?

[gitanes]

are you going to let me dress you up


i
i don't know
nobody's ever gotten me flowers before? i never thought about it

[It's embarrassing. Why is it embarrassing. Why doesn't she hate it.]

[luckless]

Sure! I'm not fashionable anyways, and you are, so... I trust your judgement.

What if I bring you flowers I think you would like?

[gitanes]

>:3 nice

yeah, that'd be good.




you're really nice to me

[It's stupid. She feels stupid about it. But she just . . . feels things about it. What things, she isn't even sure. But they're good.]

[luckless]

[There's something there that gives him pause. He thinks about it, for a long time, searching for the right way to respond. It takes a couple minutes just to reply, but he's very careful with the words he chooses.]

You deserve kindness.

[They've both done a lot of bad things, hurt and killed people. But if he deserves kindness, then so does she.]

I want to spoil you as much as you spoil me.

[gitanes]

yeah

yeah, i think i know that. knew it already, i mean, that you want to spoil me. when you say things like that, getting flowers you think i'd like, if it was someone else i wouldn't believe it. but i can feel how much you mean it.

and if it was somebody else i'd just feel entitled, but it's like

i don't know the word for it. like i'm something bigger than myself because you love me.

my grandma always told me to watch out for princes, they're bad news. but i think she'd like you. you're not a prince and you're definitely bad news, but you make me feel

it's stupid. but you make me feel normal. like just somebody, some girl who can have fun and be happy like anyone else. i didn't think i'd get that, but you gave it to me.

[luckless]

[Komaeda reads her message, and then he reads it again. Over and over, until Lila's thoughts and feelings—raw and unedited—are seared into his brain for safe keeping. She doesn't get it, and he doesn't either. Sometimes the grandiose of words stream through his brain like water through a colander. But with Lila, that's never the case. She speaks her feelings but she also makes them known.

Even as he reads her message, he can see those stormy eyes in his mind. On a couch in her apartment, in the kitchen of another world. Cast to the side, unable to meet his gaze as she grapples with her unadulterated truth. How she folds her arms and clips her words, because they're uncomfortable in her mouth.

He likes Lila, when she's like this. Because she's only like this with him, and it makes him feel special.]

Normal wasn't ever a word people associated with me. My life has been an endless cycle of extremes, just like yours has been an endless power struggle... we both come from worlds and places where we weren't allowed to be ourselves, because if we were... it was used against us. We both played a game for so long, that maybe we even forgot we were people, not pieces.

[Komaeda's fingers hesitate for a moment, but only a moment.]

You make me feel normal too... Like my strangeness isn't something to be ashamed of. It makes me happy... you gave me this happiness, too. So we're even, right?