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no subject
[Not you're welcome. This isn't that kind of conversation. This is one of those rare moments when Lila Zacharov doesn't feel right in asserting that, yes, any attention from her deserves gratitude. It's something she believes, for the most part. But Mukuro's more than earned a permanent place beside her. There's nothing about Mukuro that's unworthy or burdensome.]
[No, there isn't. The opposite is true, isn't it? Mukuro is more worthy than almost everyone else. As much as Mukuro is loyal to Lila, it goes fiercely in the other direction, and that's much rarer. There are a fair number of people she likes here, but only two she'd count as hers. It's not a one-way relationship. Hers means hers. She protects her own. She protected Cassel, didn't she? Back before he betrayed her.]
[But Mukuro won't. She's not clouded by the gutter guards of story anymore. She knows, she can see, that Mukuro is broken, is unwell, is healing in good ways and wrong ones. She sees that, and she accepts it. She sees Mukuro's flaws, and she claims her all the same. Those aren't an excuse to treat her poorly. They're a reason to circle the wagons, to hold her close, to wrap arms around her tightly and show the world she's not alone anymore. She won't ever be again.]
[Lila guards her people jealously. Mukuro doesn't think she needs protecting, but, well. Mukuro doesn't think there's anything in herself worth protecting.]
You're okay. You don't have to thank me. We're both fucked up, right? You and me. We're the same.
[Her hand slips from Mukuro's face to her own clawed, padded one. Pulls her close by the wrist, guides her through the air to rest on the island at her side. Snug and close, hips pressed together. Hand sliding around to hook possessively around Mukuro's other side. Her head comes to rest on Mukuro's shoulder. For right now, she's solid.]
. . . You make me really happy, Mukuro. I'm never happy. The last time I was happy before I came here, I don't even know. I think I forgot how. I lost it. But there's something in you that makes it easier for me to breathe. Like magic.
no subject
there's another little inhale when Lila takes her by the wrist, but she doesn't resist at all. why would she? being brought closer, being permitted to sit alongside her rather than beneath - there's no reason for her to be anything but completely pliant in the shade's spectral grasp. and when Lila tucks herself against her, the relief that floods her system is so strong that for a moment she feels faint. she isn't sure what to do, at first, but Lila's next words draw all her attention. like everything else dims, mutes, so she can better focus on what's important.
she makes Lila happy.
she makes Lila happy.
it feels unbelievable, and yet she knows it's true. it has to be, because Lila is saying it to her, and it's impossible for mukuro to trust anyone else's words more. there are many people here she's grown to care for, more than she ever thought possible, so many it feels overwhelming sometimes - but Lila, Lila, she's the only one who's never once been hard to understand. she's never said something she didn't mean, she's never tried to spare anyone's feelings by hiding the truth, she's never made mukuro try to guess how she's feeling or what she needs. mukuro has always been able to trust everything Lila's ever said to her. she's proven it over and over and over. just because mukuro is so used to being useless - her own failings aren't an excuse to doubt her now. and it feels almost sacrilegious, to touch her without being invited, but it isn't fair for Lila to be the only one trying to bridge the gap.
so. she turns her head, tucking her snout down to nose at her. her tail curls around the both of them. and she reaches, finally, for Lila's available hand, to lace their fingers together again. careful, and hesitant, but trying.]
...You make me happy, too.
You've always been - nice to me, Lila.
I'm n-not - I've never been - scared of you.
[her voice is very quiet. almost a whisper. it's a hard thing to admit.
she's resigned to handle whatever comes her way. she's willing to endure the worst kinds of pain for the sake of others. she's willing to die, if she has to, even moreso now that she knows she'll come back. all her life she's had to be strong, brave, emotionless. but the fear is always there, even if it's buried deep, deep down.]
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[When Mukuro noses at her, she responds immediately, instinctively, turning to meet the gesture and gently headbutt her, then rub her cheek and temple against Mukuro's jaw. That big fluffy tail tucks around them both; the cloud of her hair in turn surges forward in the almost-no-space between them and clings like static to Mukuro's throat and shoulders and face. Every tiny piece of Lila wants to be close to every tiny piece of Mukuro.]
[When her hand is taken, she slides her fingers into the wolf's grip instantly. Squeezes. Isn't going anywhere. Tucks her face under Mukuro's jaw and lets out a sharp breath, some pain in her chest releasing.]
Mm. Good. I don't want you to be scared of me.
[She never has. And why is that? What about Mukuro always felt easy to understand? Well, at the beginning it was because she was easy to read. Lila knew she could manipulate Mukuro if she had to. But she never ended up doing that, and things got so much deeper than that so quickly.]
[Maybe . . . she knows why. Maybe it's not so complicated.]
I want people to be scared of me so they don't hurt me. But you won't, ever. So there's nothing for either of us to be scared of.
[That's how it works, right? That's how it is with somebody you care about. They won't ever trap you. They won't ever back you into a corner. So it's okay not to be scared all the time. That's safe.]
no subject
she can feel tears gathering at the corners of her eyes again, too, as Lila speaks. Lila's done this before, shown her weaknesses to Mukuro, because she knows Mukuro won't use them against her. but it's different, hearing it. hearing that. that Lila is scared of people hurting her, that she wants people to fear her so they won't. just like Mukuro had.
(and Junko. but she doesn't think Junko would have ever admitted it.)
her chest feels tight. but not - not in the way she's used to, choking and anxious. more like it's too full. she doesn't hesitate, this time. just reaches to try and scoop Lila right into her lap, to wrap her arms around her and pull her close against her - she knows, it's easier to accept what's offered than ever ask for something yourself. she understands. just like Lila understands her, and that she won't ever, ever hurt her--]
Never.
[it's little more than a breath, but her devotion is obvious all the same. she eases back from the hug just enough to look into Lila's face, eyes bright and focused despite it all.]
I - I promised, remember...? That I'd stay.
I'm yours, and - you're mine, too. For as long as you want me.
no subject
[When Mukuro grabs her, she doesn't even tense up. Her reaction is almost lazy, even though her heart rate speeds up, her eyes go wide. Mukuro grabs her and moves her and holds her, and Lila's . . . surprised, but also not. Is it so strange, really? Mukuro wants to be close, especially when things feel strange and difficult and dangerous. She wants comfort just like anyone else. It's just that she trusts so few people to safely provide it.]
[That's another way they're the same. One more way at the bottom of an ever-growing list.]
[Lila isn't thinking about that list now, though. Not with arms around her and her face still tucked against Mukuro's throat despite the shift in position. Her own arms settle naturally around Mukuro's neck, fingers clasping loosely together at the nape as though the idea of being let go is so unrealistic she's got no need to tightly hold on. She's a ragdoll, limp in Mukuro's arms, knees pressed tight to outside of her thighs.]
[When Mukuro pulls back to look at her, Lila looks back, blinking slowly, calm and content. As agitated as she was a few minutes ago, this feels so correct that she's calmed down entirely. She's where she needs to be.]
[So is Mukuro, who promised. They both promised. There's a leash here, but it goes two ways, and she . . . takes her responsibility seriously.]
[The only tell is the way Lila's hands shift. They separate, and one comes to curl in the fabric at Mukuro's shoulder, the other sinks deep into the thick hair-and-fur at the nape of her neck. That's the only indication that something's going to happen before Lila's stretching up, the whole line of her body pressed close as she kisses Mukuro — soft and staticky and lingering.]
[Perfect moments don't exist. But she likes this one pretty well.]
no subject
somehow, she isn't expecting it.
there's a tiny gasp, just before Lila connects, and then - it's like - like when you turn off an old television, how it flashes and then contracts to one bright circle in the center of the dimming screen. everything else is faded. a shiver runs through her, fur fluffing up as if from the static of the screen. her mind is mostly blank except that low electric hum and she can't tell if it's real or imagined but it doesn't matter. nothing else matters. her focus has narrowed to just this, just now. just Lila. she accepts it tamely, doing her best to make it easier, even as her heartbeat speeds out of rhythm. she holds Lila just a little tighter, curls her tail up and around them both like a shield, and lets her eyes close.
later, she'll be impressed and kind of awed that Lila just went for it, despite the unfamiliarity of dealing with a snout. it's a marvel to her that Lila would want to do this at all with someone like her, especially now, beastly thing that she is. but right now she can't think about that, about how everything about her has always been wrong, how no one else is ever supposed to care about her or treat her like this - because Lila is, and there's no room in her head for doubt or fear or anything but her.]
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[Not that it's the first time she's thought that. She doesn't even know when the first time is. It snuck up on her, but it lives in her freely and openly now: that Mukuro is cute like this, cute on the Fog, cute in the daytime with her big ears and her sharp teeth. Mukuro's really cute in the moment before Lila kisses her, breath catching like she didn't expect it, like Lila isn't always thinking about whether this is the right moment, or this one, or what about now. Like she's not always thinking about loving Mukuro somehow. Doesn't matter what state she's in.]
[This place has done something to her. Made her greedier, or made her heart bigger, or opened her up somehow. This girl is hers, she thinks, and no one can ever hurt her again. Mukuro's the big bad wolf, but she's the scary one, and that's good, because — because Mukuro needs somebody to take care of her, sometimes.]
[It's different, kind of, and kind of isn't. Everything about this fits Mukuro and fits them. She presses as close to Mukuro on her lap as she can manage, fitting herself flush and stubbornly refusing to let go. After a few moments she remembers her claws and starts moving them, scratching the nape of Mukuro's neck as she grins against her mouth, not really stopping at all when she speaks. Words can do what they want, but they can't make her let go.]
I'm yours, right?
[There's something in her voice that sounds kind of like prove it.]
no subject
There's another shallow gasp when Lila digs her claws into her mane. Not to hurt, it doesn't hurt - she knows it could, and that it won't, and that makes it even sweeter. When Lila speaks, Mukuro shivers. Beautiful terrible carnivore girl, hungry enough to swallow her heart, but - it's not - like that. This feels - safe, even with her heart speeding out of rhythm and the adrenalin in her veins. Even though this isn't what she'd ever have expected, after everything. It's right.
Mukuro doesn't answer with words. She doesn't think she even could, but that's fine, she doesn't have to. Lila understands her, even when she's stammering or speechless. So. She simply tilts her head slightly and leans to return the kiss, tame and gentle but, for once, not hesitant. There's no sense of uncertainty when she slips one hand into the shadow-shock of her hair, holding her close - nor even when she grazes her fangs over Lila's lower lip, just barely, so very, very careful not to hurt. Lila is hers, and she is Lila's, and it feels so obvious even she can't overthink it.]
no subject
[For Mukuro, she wants to be soft. Softness is harder. It’s not something she’s ever had permission to be, much less practice in being. From birth she’s been taught to have her claws out, and it seeped into her psyche in too, too many ways. But there is no power dynamic with Mukuro. They’re equal. The only person with the power to change it, to twist it and make it wrong, is Lila, and she won’t. She can’t. She could never.]
[She wants to be soft for Mukuro, sweet and a little bit sour, but not so much as to hurt. She wants to make her home in Mukuro’s heart, but gently, not kindly because that’s too far to push but with all the aching tenderness she can scrounge from her empty unbody. She gives herself to Mukuro — I’m yours — like permission, like a question, like a gift, except she’s not giving anything at all. It’s been true since long before she said it out loud. Even if Mukuro didn’t know, she did.]
[When Mukuro kisses her back, she makes a sound, warm and rolling, like a purr and a hum and a laugh mixed together. Eager as she is to respond, she holds herself back, lets Mukuro carry her along in her own way. She’s Mukuro’s. She wants to know what it means to be Mukuro’s, underneath it all. The way people touch means everything. What people do with their hands and their mouths and their bodies — that’s honesty.]
[And Mukuro buries a hand in her hair, which uncoils, sparking at the end, and re-coils gently around her wrist, cool and soft, surprisingly similar in texture to human hair underneath the static of it all. That sound comes again, more surprised but still very pleased, when Mukuro’s fangs happen to her. So gentle. That’s right. Mukuro wants to be soft for her, too.]
[She feels so much, she thinks she might explode.]
[The tip of her tongue chases Mukuro’s teeth as they pull away; she crowds in close for more, not giving any chance to breathe, demanding and insistent. Mine, mine, mine, the drumbeat at the back of her mind, but it’s not the beat of obsession for once, just possession. Her heart is too full to handle, and this is the only way she knows to explain.]
no subject
Her ears flit forward, straining for more, every part of her alert and eager. She didn't even have time to second-guess her choices, Lila's responses are so quick and encouraging. It's something she wonders at, distantly, in the back of her mind. This level of freedom is new and overwhelming; Mukuro has never been given free reign like this. She's been trained to accept, not initiate. She'd be kind of terrified, if it was anything but this - anyone but Lila, who keeps making pleased, encouraging noises, chasing away doubts before they have any time to fully form. Even then, Mukuro's heart is fluttering like hummingbird wings in her chest, so quick and strong even Lila can probably feel it - but even that thought doesn't embarrass her like it should.
It's not dangerous for Lila to know how she feels, it's not a flaw or a weakness for Mukuro to be obvious in how she wants - she's glad to prove how committed she is, more than anything. It's another trait they share without knowing, the thought that bodies are far more honest than words. She can say she's Lila's all she likes, but there's nothing more convincing than proving it.
So when Lila demands more, Mukuro is more than happy to provide, even as a noise of pleased surprise escapes her, too. She's pliant and open, as she always is for Lila, but she meets all of Lila's enthusiasm with her own to match. Mukuro belongs to her as much and as long as Lila wants her, and she'll do her best to not disappoint. Lila chases, and Mukuro lets herself be caught, closing her eyes into another lingering kiss. She's careful, doing her best not to be clumsy despite her snout, easing into using this new shape in a much softer way than she has so far. She's crushed bones in these jaws, and yet, every time her mouth meets Lila's is gentle. Her next breath out carries a faint whine, at once canine and girl, plaintive and reverent.]
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[What she's learning is that she actually really, really likes kissing Mukuro like this. It's different, and she's desperately curious, starving-curious, to kiss her during the daytime — but this, this is different and breathless and lovely, the more she learns the muzzle's shape and angles. So far, her favorite thing is the teeth. Every time they break even slightly, she slips her tongue out to taste the tip of Mukuro's canines, whichever one is closer, relishing the implication of strength, of power that presses at her tongue, knowing that Mukuro could hurt her, knowing that she won't, not ever. Knowing that, if she ever wanted it, Mukuro could hold her still, safe, secure, unable to move.]
[That's not the kind of thing she's ever thought about before. She doesn't like people having power over her. But this is — it's different. It's Mukuro, it's different. Nothing bad will ever, ever happen to her in Mukuro's arms, and that's so freeing it feels like inhaling for the first time. Like doors opening. Like freefalling with a parachute.]
[Soft whining in her ear brings her settling deep into the moment. Literally: she settles more securely into her body, weight resting heavier on Mukuro's lap. The more present she feels, the more she squirms, breath coming out in a sharp huff that's something like impatience, gimme gimme gimme, and something like longing, hold me hold me hold me. Her mind is flying. She wants a hundred things at once.]
Muku—
[She leans her whole body against Mukuro's chest, their breath warm and indistinguishable. Her claws scrape against the back of the wolf's neck, deliberately scratching, a rhythmic movement as grounding for her as she wants it to be for Mukuro.]
You're so good. So good, so good, so so so . . .
[It dissolves into mumbling, which devolves into another kiss. She's not interested in stopping. She doesn't do stopping.]
no subject
She knows that at first it had been the similarities that drew her in. When Mukuro was newly arrived, her one connection forcibly and freshly severed, panicked and desperate - this girl was the first to remind her, even a little bit, of what she'd lost. But even in that first meeting there were differences - Lila was confident, but not cruel. Even if she had the ability to be, she hadn't been. She spoke straightforwardly, always saying exactly what she meant. She didn't get upset or mock her, when Mukuro stumbled; she never took any of the conversational knives Mukuro kept accidentally handing her. Even from the very beginning she'd told Mukuro to make her own choices. "If you don't like your name, pick a new one." She'd always chosen to be kind to Mukuro. And Mukuro knows it was a choice, she knew even then that kindness doesn't come easily to her, but Lila kept doing it every time - and she was always honest, until it became second nature for Mukuro to trust her. Until Mukuro was more than willing to serve and sacrifice, the same as she would for any of the ones she really cared about, and even then Lila never misused that.
And - even now. Even with claws and fangs, even with so many, many ways to hurt her, Lila isn't. She could, and Mukuro would let her - gladly, humbly, gratefully - but she isn't, and it's such an immediate, stark difference from all her past experiences. Even aside from the physical - the praise makes her heart thrill ever higher, sends pleased sparks of satisfaction through her, makes her want to do anything and everything she can to hear more, more, more - it feels almost selfish, greedy to want so much, she knows she's never deserved it - except Lila thinks she does, and who is she to argue? How could Mukuro ever even dream of doubting her? It's the same reason she isn't scared. This is all new, down to the basics - she can't even claim any expertise with this body, or with her partner's. There are so many ways she could fail - except it doesn't feel like that, really. Not with Lila encouraging her every step of the way, with everything she is - every little noise, every inch of herself pressed close, eager and hungry and telling her she's good.
God, she wants so badly to be good for her.
Her tail's wagging so rapidly she's almost shaking - no, she is shaking, just a little, and her breathing's coming in shallow little pants, and there's heat coiled low in her belly and she feels more alive than she can remember being - the next kiss draws another sound out of her, plaintive and needy, and when they part she has to inhale sharply before she can rasp,]
Lila, [breathless and reverent, claws curled so carefully around her to keep her close,] I - hhh - h-how - tell me what you want, please, I - anything, anything, I just--
[She'd give her the world if she could. She's not thinking of anything but Lila, in this moment. Just her, all-encompassing.]
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[And Lila finds she doesn't mind. More than that, she shudders underneath it, Mukuro's words wrapping around her like hands on her body, like the body heat she's suddenly so desperate for. Tell me what you want, Mukuro begs, and she shakes her head, uncertain, because the answer is—]
Everything.
[It comes out on a long, whined exhale, her head falling forward gently to rest their foreheads together. This isn't a helpful answer, she knows, but it's all she can manage for a moment. Her instincts are all messed up. If it was a guy she wouldn't care, she'd just take what she wanted, but with a girl she finds herself unsure if it's too much, too fast. If it's going to make her look bad skmehow. At the same time, she can't doubt Mukuro, she never has. And then again she's desperate. She wants to feel so, so badly. And Mukuro is so good at reminding her how real she is.]
[What comes out, ultimately, is a shaky,] It's okay? [a breathless request for reassurance. In the same instant she solidifies still further, although just verging on all the way, because all the way means making a decision about clothes, and she can't, not yet. It's a lot. And she knows what she wants, but—]
Touch me? Like— [A pulse of red flashes through her, lingers, beating warm in her core. Her mouth hangs open slightly, panting, knees squeezing tight around Mukuro's thighs.] It — at the dance, the thing, you know — just touching me was—
[Everything. Too much and not enough. She fumbles.]
I want everything. But can you just touch me?
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It's okay.
[Little more than a whisper, but without hesitation. It's okay. They're okay. She's more okay than she's been in weeks, it feels like. Touch me, she asks - not an order, it's too soft, softer than Lila almost ever is, but Mukuro takes it as gospel all the same. Lila doesn't have to command her for her to listen, she wants to, she wants to be hers, she wants to be good.
She makes a soft, affirmative sound, first, making sure Lila knows it's okay, she's been heard, that she won't have to wait. Mukuro reaches to cup her cheek with one hand, nuzzling at her briefly before she ducks - and swipes her tongue along the scar across her throat, and bites, so so gently, where her neck and shoulder meet. Not enough to bleed, not even enough to leave a mark - she wouldn't dream of it, not without permission, not without being asked. But a reminder of her teeth, of her promise, i'm yours and you're mine, where all her strength is for Lila. Lila, Lila, Lila-- she can't tell if she's murmuring it or just listening to it echo in her mind, drowning out anything else - her other hand's around Lila's middle, holding her close, claws splayed across her ribcage. Gentle, always, because even though she knows Lila's tough she never wants to hurt her. Mukuro would rather die.]
cw slut-shaming
[It doesn't make sense. Even she knows that. Mukuro, of all people, wouldn't care. Mukuro doesn't care about anything like that. But it would shatter her if this changed anything. She'd fall apart.]
[This feels so much realer than anything that happened to her in those seven months.]
[The fear doesn't last, anyway. It's easy to trust Mukuro, that look in her eye and the more-than-human warmth of her body; she reassures, and Lila swallows, bites her lip, nods, pushing herself a little closer to proper corporeality.]
[And then there's no time to adjust, which is frankly the greatest relief she could have asked for. Mukuro's breath hot on her throat, the wet stripe licked along her scar, would make her legs give out if she wasn't already being supported. As it is, she whimpers, head instinctively tipping to one side to make room, because she doesn't mind-know but she heart-knows, she body-knows—]
[Teeth. In her throat, in the space where the plane of her shoulder meets the slope of her neck. Her whole body jolts at the sudden sensation of it, shudders slow as that sensation doesn't stop; all of her nerves realize, bit by bit, that it's not a single sharp bite but a slow, steady pressure, pinning her down, holding her in place. I'm yours and you're mine.]
Fuck, [she whispers,] fuckfuckfuck, Mm— [And she's there, suddenly, the claiming and belonging of it all shoving her firmly into the only body she can properly claim as her own anymore, the monochromatic form that's normally such work to access. Not here, not now, not with Mukuro. Not feeling this good, warm from tip to toe and fully settled in her bare skin. Her weight settles, entirely present and square in the middle of Mukuro's lap, just Lila, only Lila, warm and warming still under so much being wanted.]
cw: vague body image/self-hate thoughts, Junko Implications
Her first coherent thought, in words, is 'this isn't fair.' So - she lets go with one hand and then the other, unzipping and shrugging off her vest, letting it fall where it may. She doesn't want Lila to be self-conscious, and she doesn't want Lila to put up with the feel of rough fabric and zippers against her skin when she has soft fur to offer instead. Even if she's just a beast, even if her chest is just a sleek flat plane under thick fur - disappointing - but she shoves that thought down, immediately, because she doesn't want to think about that, about her, not when she's so unbelievably lucky to have Lila here with her, wanting her, real for her, despite how many flaws and faults she might have. She can't focus on them. Lila won't let her.
She releases her jaws and lathes her tongue over the spot, smoothing out the minor indents her teeth left behind. Nothing else. No blood, no bruises. She can snap bones like twigs, slice through flesh in an instant, but for Lila, she's nothing but tame. She kisses the center of the scar, then lays a trail of them up Lila's throat to meet her mouth again, soft and sweet and endlessly grateful as she pulls Lila close against her. All of her - sharp teeth, soft fur, warm tongue and liquid-gold eyes - every single part of her is for Lila. To keep as long as she wants, to use as she sees fit. Mukuro pulls back to gaze at her after a moment, into Lila's mismatched eyes, and murmurs breathlessly,]
You're beautiful.
[It's not a new sentiment. But it never hurts to remind her.]
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[So she forgot. She didn't think about what it would be like to be this close to someone after all this time, in a body that approaches a human body in so many ways. Already she's burning up, so close to a body warmer than a human being's and covered in fur and held close and wanting so hard, like it's burning her up from the inside. The texture of fur tickles the insides of her thighs as Mukuro shifts beneath her, as she feels and hears more than sees the vest be discarded. It takes no time, nothing at all, for her to reach for what she's been offered, hands greedily sinking into Mukuro's fur, both at once, raking up from stomach to chest, curious and exploratory. Her eyes stay closed, head tipped to one side, breathless with the kisses laid on her neck, breathless with everything she's been given. And they just started.]
[They just started, and already Mukuro's looking at her so hard she can feel it with her eyes closed. She cracks her own open just in time for a kiss, then another, and after the third she licks the tip of Mukuro's nose, dizzy with affection.]
Yeah? . . . You like to tell me that, huh?
[She feels drunk. She feels loopy. She's overwhelmed, but it's in a good way. Really, they're not as dissimilar as they might be when it comes to body type. Lila's always been little, and although she's filled out some it's not dramatic, a petite frame for such a demanding person.]
[Careful but not cautious, her fingers rake through the fur on Mukuro's chest, bottom lip between her teeth. Her gaze keeps drifting down, hungry. Slowly but surely, the confidence is coming back, seeping in warm and welcoming as her body remembers how to feel good.]
You're hot. You're — really — yeah. [Yeah. She arches against the warmth of Mukuro's hand on her stomach, shivering as she feels it collect and spread across her skin.] It's . . . cool. Seeing you like this. Is that weird? That I want you like this?
[She doesn't sound like she thinks it's weird. She doesn't sound insecure in the least anymore. Her stare is locked on the way her fingers slide through Mukuro's bare fur, aware of nothing else.]
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Because you are-- ah--
[She can't help shivering. Something about the way Lila combs through her fur like that, curious and eager - especially when her hands are so warm. She's used to - nothing, really, at most a mild chill when Lila passes through her, this is so different. But even as distracted as she is, her ears flit towards the sound of Lila's voice. Attentive, as always, even feeling completely out of her depth.]
Mmn - m-maybe, but - we're all weird, [Mukuro mumbles, nosing at her, ever affectionate.] 'n it'd be - weird, anyway, I - n-no one's ever-- [thought of her as hot, or cute, or handsome or anything else Lila's ever said, no one's ever cared what Mukuro thought about anything, no one's ever been so nice to her--] e-ever treated me - like you do.
[She lowers her head to bite Lila's opposite shoulder, equally as gentle. Hers, each other's, always - and never, ever a danger to her.]
no subject
[Under the pressure of Mukuro's teeth, she shivers, sighs, opens up her heart bit by bit at every brush of skin and fur. This is something she knows, she knows it, she does, truly, it's just . . . it seems so strange. So ridiculous, that nobody wanted Mukuro the way she wants her. Thoroughly, completely, adoringly, with every inch of her body and every ounce of her heart. It doesn't make sense.]
[Teeth worrying lightly at her bottom lip, she shifts, restlessly lifting her hips with every touch Mukuro offers her; her claws trail up the thinner fur on Mukuro's stomach, up her chest, to draw hungry circles on her shoulder. Back down again, exploring with greedy hands as she goes, fingers spread. There's more of Mukuro to discover later, another time, a whole different body, but this is the one under her hands now, and this is the one she wants.]
. . . I'm gonna make it so it's not weird anymore.
[She turns her head and whispers it into the soft shell of Mukuro's ear, breath tickling, parting the fur under her lips.]
I'm gonna make you feel good all the time, so that feels normal. So you know how much I want you, really know it. I want you to be able to feel it when I walk in the room, how hard it is for me to not be touching you. I'm gonna make sure you know how much you're wanted. Okay? I promise.
[She doesn't break promises. Not ever, and especially not this one.]
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Lila purring in her ear, oh, god - Mukuro shivers, swallows hard, and nods, dumbly, only able to listen for a few moments before she can manage a response.]
Okay, [she breathes, almost a sigh, reverent and absolutely trusting. She believes her. Of course she believes her. Even if it seems impossible - for anyone to care about her like this, for anyone to want her like this - Lila wouldn't lie to her, and Lila doesn't give up. So - okay. Lila can have her. Anywhere, any time. Mukuro's hers, completely.
A thought occurs to her, slowly, like surfacing through molasses - it's hard to think like this, her mind's hazy, but - they're in the kitchen. Still. It doesn't really matter, especially since Lila doesn't really cook, but - she deserves better, right? To be comfortable, to be pampered. So. She keeps one arm around Lila's middle, slips the other beneath her to keep her supported, and slides down off the island counter, claws clicking onto the tile. Even when she's fully corporeal, it's nothing for Mukuro to carry Lila to her bedroom.]
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[It makes her yelp, the combination of the sudden motion and the warmth and the arm that slides under her for balance. Wrapping her arms around the back of Mukuro's neck by instinct, she buries her face in the fur of her neck to stifle her giggles. By the time they've made it to her room, she's biting gently at the crux of shoulder and neck, not even slightly making it through the ruff but just happy to be making some kind of contact.]
[And then Mukuro lays her down on the bed so gently, like she's some kind of treasure, like she deserves the world and more than the world. Staring up at her, all washed-out color and vulnerability, Lila looks like she's seeing Mukuro for the first time all over again.]
[It kind of feels like it. Even with people she trusts as much as she trusts Mukuro, it's hard not to think things will go a certain way. But Mukuro's treating her like — not like she's breakable, but like she deserves to be protected even though she's titanium.]
[Her chest rises, and she catches her breath, holding it there for long seconds before letting it out again.]
Come here. [Barely audible, whispered and sweet. One ankle hooks around the back of Mukuro's calf.] I want you, so come here.
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There's so much she wants to do she's almost dizzy - her first instinct is to kneel and worship her the way Lila deserves, she knows she's good at it, especially now. My, big bad wolf, what a long tongue you have. But she also knows there's a time limit, tick-tick-ticking away. She can't do everything at once. And she knows - Lila wants to be connected, to be close, to feel as much as she can while she can. And Mukuro's been given this fluid form as a gift. Told to use it as she sees fit. Told to enjoy it, and all the things she could never do in her old life. There's one part of her shape-shifting that hasn't been relevant to discuss until now, and even though it's - nerve-wracking, to try this when she's less familiar with this body, at least she knows Lila wants her. Like this, truly and completely. If she's been with boys before, then it isn't an issue, right...?
Besides - it's still not fair. So. With a shaky little breath, she reaches down. Front button and zipper first, then the button clasp over her tail, so she can squirm free of her pants and kick them aside. It's much, much more obvious now in the thin flexible undershorts, but she doesn't hesitate - if she waits she'll lose her nerve, so off they come too, after another moment. It's only then she's able to look back at her, and even without a blush showing through her fur, she's sure it's obvious in the way her ears pin back and her tail curls uncertainly below her. Nervous, vulnerable, but - she's Lila's, all of her and always. As long as Lila wants her. She takes a breath, licks her lips, and tries to speak:]
Is this - okay...?
[A low little rasp, unsure but hopeful. At the very least, the stereotypical fear is not at all on her mind - it's nicely proportionate to the rest of her, and at a bit over six and a half feet tall, that's not really a concern. No, it's the inhuman anatomy she's most self-conscious of - even if Lila's been very accommodating of her wolfishness so far, and it isn't as though it works any differently.]
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[This never occurred to her. When she's thought about sex with Mukuro — which she has, a lot — she never factored the idea of a significant change in, because they never talked about it and it didn't really matter. It's like she told Komaeda: the exact details aren't the point. She just wants what she wants, and the rest sorts itself out.]
[That doesn't mean she's not surprised, though. It dawns on her slowly, thoughts slow with wanting, lips caught between her teeth as she watches Mukuro pull back a bit and shuck the rest of her clothes off, eyes dragging down her body with every fluid, graceful movement until finally—]
[Her attention snags. Breath catches. The body she so rarely manages contact with responds immediately, flooding her with heat that creeps grayscale up her cheeks and down her chest. She'd stare anyway, she'd be covetous and greedy anyway, but the difference is that she knows what this feels like, more or less, and her body remembers, too.]
[The sound she lets out is soft and pleading and just as involuntary as the way her thighs rub together, squeezing slightly before she nods. Her voice is gravelly, gunsmoke and hunger.]
Yeah. Yeah, that's—
[When she finally manages to look Mukuro in the face again, her pupils are blown, black expanding to the rims of her irises. Lila doesn't get embarrassed about much of anything, and she sure as shit doesn't look embarrassed now. She looks like she knows exactly what she wants, and knows she's going to get it, too.]
You know you're, like, unfairly hot, right? I need you to get that.
[And she needs Mukuro, period. Her ankle snakes insistently around the back of Mukuro's knee. Closer.]
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Because even if she hasn't done this before - with this body, this shape, this person - the wolf knows. It's just like anything else. Whether it's making use of her new long limbs, controlling the tiny muscles in her ears, or processing the data from what felt like brand new senses - the wolf knows, and the instincts are there to guide her. So she moves forward again to cover Lila's body with her own, sinking low on her elbows to feel Lila's curves dip into her fur. She reaches between them, ever careful of her claws - she should have clipped them, or something, but she hadn't known, she could never have guessed - and gently, so gently, she touches her.
She's still smiling to herself, about that compliment. Unfairly hot. That's probably true. It does feel unfair, that someone like her could captivate someone like Lila. Is it selfish, for her to be so grateful for it? And as insistent as Lila's being, she doesn't want to make her wait, but...]
I don't want to hurt you, [she breathes, pulling away from Lila to transfer that slick heat to herself. Even if she's not experienced using this yet, she gets the idea, and she's not completely clueless - it does make her shiver a little, though, the fur along her spine fluffing up a little at the sensation. Oh, wow. She's - going to have to focus. Don't disappoint. Closing her eyes, she noses in again, breathing soft and shallow as she aligns herself.]
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[Don't you dare fucking stop.]
[Something else she never thought about, how different it is to feel fur all over instead of skin. Good, though, and every shift and movement makes her breath catch, makes her move in turn. There's barely time for Mukuro to maneuver before she's braced one leg against her hip and rolling upward, chasing the fleeting touch, bottom lip caught between her very sharp teeth.]
I know. [Her breath comes shallow as she adjusts in an attempt to find contact, twisting her hips. She wants to feel the almost-danger of claws again, wants something, anything—] You're so sweet. You wanna be gentle. I know, I just—
[And then Mukuro's fur does a thing, and her face also does a thing that says she's overwhelmed but feels really good, and then there's a low, guttural sound as Lila feels heat and pressure and almost but not quite. She's so impatient, her hips snap up and she beats Mukuro to the punch, rutting up and rubbing against her but not quite letting her in.]
[Because there are shadows, light but persistent and terribly strong, wrapped around Mukuro's upper thighs, holding her in place. Because Lila didn't even mean to, not entirely, but as her fingers clutch tight at the ridge of fur along Mukuro's spine, her aura responds too, holding Mukuro in place for her to grind against for a minute, just for a minute, just because.]
You can still wreck me a little — right?
[Something in her expression collapses and opens, clear and needy and vulnerable, as she gets the angle just right, still not in but so close it feels almost as good, the tantalizing promise of fullness to come. Her spine arches, neck exposed. Every movement is easier, smoother, wetter. Her body clutches at Mukuro desperately, even as her shadows gleefully refuse to let her in.]
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