[Lila doesn't understand what that's like. That instinct, it's never been in her. She's never wanted to make herself small enough that she won't bother anyone else. The world isn't enough for her, and she knows she deserves it and more. As often as she's been taken down, put in a box, squeezed into the tiniest possible shape she could manage, she's never once doubted her own right to existence. If anything, those beatdowns have just made her stronger.]
[But Mukuro isn't like that. Mukuro believes she's a burden. That people just put up with her, at best. She doesn't say it the way Cassel does. Mukuro . . . doesn't know how to manipulate anyone.]
[Komaeda does, but not like Cassel either. And he's so broken. The way he said it, he was broken long before Junko found him.]
[These facts, they make Lila feel something, but she doesn't know what it is. It just hurts, more like an absence than a presence. Like someone's cut her open just the way Steve and Komaeda were cut open, scooped her insides out, and thrown them away. The emptiness inside is something she doesn't know how to name. There's anger in it, but that isn't all.]
[She's insane, she knows she is. She knows Mukuro must know, too. All of them, their messy little group, they're all fucked up in the head. But the kind she is, she became out of her own necessity. The kind Mukuro is . . . was to meet someone else's need.]
[That's . . . not okay. It's not okay, her being small for the sake of someone outside of her. That's what Cassel wanted, even if he didn't know it; his mom did know, and she made it happen, and it echoes in Lila's ribcage even now, the love implanted in her body and her mind that had to be ripped from its moorings by force. That doesn't mean it's gone. She still has the scars, and they ache on bad days.]
[Maybe she's sad.]
[The look on her face is hard to read right now. The silence is . . . probably not comfortable for Mukuro. But there are none of the anger signs: no ozone, nothing breaking, no power surges. She's quiet, sitting on the island with one leg crossed over the other. Above, while Mukuro is below.]
You don't, [is what she murmurs eventually, lifting her chin; and as she does, she carries Mukuro along with her eyeline. The wolf lifts from her seat, rises gently and slowly. It feels weightless, but doesn't confine. If she wants to wriggle free, she can.]
[If she doesn't, Lila brings her up to eye level. Holds her there, close and focused on her alone. When she reaches out, it's — strangely tentative, like she's afraid she might break something. But in the end, she cups Mukuro's cheek in her ghostly hand and just looks at her. Just tries, as best she can, to see her.]
You don't burden anyone. You couldn't if you tried.
cw loss of bodily autonomy, brainwashing/emotional control, abusive relationship
[Lila doesn't understand what that's like. That instinct, it's never been in her. She's never wanted to make herself small enough that she won't bother anyone else. The world isn't enough for her, and she knows she deserves it and more. As often as she's been taken down, put in a box, squeezed into the tiniest possible shape she could manage, she's never once doubted her own right to existence. If anything, those beatdowns have just made her stronger.]
[But Mukuro isn't like that. Mukuro believes she's a burden. That people just put up with her, at best. She doesn't say it the way Cassel does. Mukuro . . . doesn't know how to manipulate anyone.]
[Komaeda does, but not like Cassel either. And he's so broken. The way he said it, he was broken long before Junko found him.]
[These facts, they make Lila feel something, but she doesn't know what it is. It just hurts, more like an absence than a presence. Like someone's cut her open just the way Steve and Komaeda were cut open, scooped her insides out, and thrown them away. The emptiness inside is something she doesn't know how to name. There's anger in it, but that isn't all.]
[She's insane, she knows she is. She knows Mukuro must know, too. All of them, their messy little group, they're all fucked up in the head. But the kind she is, she became out of her own necessity. The kind Mukuro is . . . was to meet someone else's need.]
[That's . . . not okay. It's not okay, her being small for the sake of someone outside of her. That's what Cassel wanted, even if he didn't know it; his mom did know, and she made it happen, and it echoes in Lila's ribcage even now, the love implanted in her body and her mind that had to be ripped from its moorings by force. That doesn't mean it's gone. She still has the scars, and they ache on bad days.]
[Maybe she's sad.]
[The look on her face is hard to read right now. The silence is . . . probably not comfortable for Mukuro. But there are none of the anger signs: no ozone, nothing breaking, no power surges. She's quiet, sitting on the island with one leg crossed over the other. Above, while Mukuro is below.]
You don't, [is what she murmurs eventually, lifting her chin; and as she does, she carries Mukuro along with her eyeline. The wolf lifts from her seat, rises gently and slowly. It feels weightless, but doesn't confine. If she wants to wriggle free, she can.]
[If she doesn't, Lila brings her up to eye level. Holds her there, close and focused on her alone. When she reaches out, it's — strangely tentative, like she's afraid she might break something. But in the end, she cups Mukuro's cheek in her ghostly hand and just looks at her. Just tries, as best she can, to see her.]
You don't burden anyone. You couldn't if you tried.